sianz...

jus came back from work todae...

work is alrite todae for mi bahz...
tomolo working morning again...
no govt also...so only left mi to handle all e things..

but i lyk it..
haha...

i'll control everything tomolo...

haha...

i dunno wad haf becum of mi all this while...

i've changed...n i noe it..

i'm no longer wad i'm used to b le..

haiz... 11:50 PM

haiz...
feeling no mood now...

haiz....

later going hougang mall there to meet jack after his work...
most prob wif shiou as well bahx...

haiz...

i thought by doing my very best for my napfa n performing above my own expectations was gd...
n could boost my morale...

i was wrong abt it...

haiz...

my life so full of regrets....

when will i b able to walk out of it...

haiz...

tink of tomolo work jiu sianz le...
hope i dun explode....

haiz...

my mood sucks....

haiz... 7:38 PM

sianz...
now still in sch,,,,,

whole body aching esp my right leg n my neck..

haiz..

over exert myself ytd for e NAPFA ytd le...
but...it's worth it...

at least i get wad i wan n dat's a sliver....haha...

sianz..
todae in sch whole dae do soldering...

so bored...do until pek chek le..

haiz...

going hme in abt 1/2hr tym le..
finally...haha....

i'm so happy now...
my mood is gettin better...
haha... 5:33 PM

I'm back home le...

jus finished my NAPFA test in sch...

n i get a sliver...

hahaha....
i've done it...

for my 2.4km...i finished 1st wif a timin of 10min 9sec...

haha....

n e total pts i get is 23...

haha...

i'm so happy now...

hope it doesn't rain later cos going to meet shiou for cycling...

...gonna go off now le...

i feel so gd todae,,
it's been a long long tym since i feel so happy...

=) 7:32 PM

now in sch blogging...
so sianz...
frm jus nw till now kip readin romance of e three kingdoms..
sianz..

haiz...
abt 3 n 1/2 hrs more to e NAPFA test le..

feeling very stress now..
esp for my pull-ups n 2.4km...

haiz..
in order to get at least a pass for e pull-ups,i nid to do it at least 3 tyms...
but given e present situation...it's an achievable target for it but i'll struggle to do it..

for e 2.4km run in which i pay great attention to...
it's quite impossible to get e 5 pts n run under 10mins le...

at e present situation..
gettin 3 pts is a possibility...

guess i'll end my run of gettin successive 5 pts in all e napfa test for e 2.4km run dat i've done so far bahx....
haiz..

i've failed to recovered frm all my heartbreaking moments esp e thing which happen on tues nite n i'm payin e price for it bahx...
up till now...
i still cant get over it...
my aim is jus to get e sliver for it n nth else le..

n i haf only myself to blame bahx....

haiz..

later den update bahx... 12:13 PM

hmmmm....jus finished playin bball wif shiou n bath out...
it's been a long long tym since i last plae dat well against other pple le..
i enjoyed e matches dat i plae jus now..

haiz..

wadever happen ytd nite..
it still hurts...

i'm totally no mood in sch todae..

whole dae jus stared at e com readin e story of three kingdoms n doin nth else...
so bored....
tml is e dae of my NAPFA le..

but..it haf come at e wrong tym...
haiz...

it haf come at e tym when i'm not in any mood for anything..
haiz..

how i reali regret not doing it earlier..
haiz...

life's full of regrets.... 10:20 PM

tis will b my 100th post for tis blog le..

jus a dae b4 e dae which will decide my life for mi n which is e NAPFA test tomolo afternoon...

haiz...

somethin sad happen to mi ytd nite n i will not say abt it..

haiz...
y must god b so cruel to mi everytym....
jus when lyk there's some important event coming up for mi..
i'll always haf events which will hurt mi n dampen my morale..
wth...
jus wad thing did i do wrongly to deserve all this kind of fcuking things???..

haiz.....

jus wad does my future holds for mi??/

sianz...

todae in sch do nth at all until now also do nth,jus slackin n slacking only..
wtf..

anyway..

later when sch ends at 6pm...gonna rush hme n meet shiou for bball followed by cycling...
if possible...let mi collapse halfway while doing these acitivities bahx....

whu can b e one who'll lead mi out of my pathetic n meaningless life n add some colours to it???..
haiz.. 4:04 PM

yeah... todae is e dae of my 2nd yr working at hougang point ntuc le...

tym reali flies....
throughout my tym working over there...i've learned a lot...though i noe i may b quitting it soon le..in which i still dunno...
but...as long as i'm still there..i'll do my best..
i've achieved wad i wan when i started working there le...
haha...

n special thanks to my supervisor,jennifer, wendy yeo
and aunty cheng
they've guided mi along throughout my tym n teach mi a lot of things..even when i make mistakes,they'll help mi cover but not before tellin mi exactly wad r my mistakes n how i can improve myself..
as well as guiding mi along everytym i suffer heartbreaking moments n feeling very moodless
n sad....
i've learned a lot from u pple...
n to my supervisor jennifer, wendy yeo
thk you so much for ur trust in mi...givin mi important duties n believing in mi...esp during cny period...thks a lot..
as well as those aunties working there n some of my frens over there namely;
andy toh,andy liow,zavier,hui juan,hui qun,sok hua,yongsheng,denson,tui xiong,mr Tan,doreen aunty,Jiao jie,ah peng aunty,Promoter ivy aunty, etc....

it's fun working wif u pple n enjoying talking to u..
may our frenship last forever...

to hui juan..
though a lot of unhappy things haf happen bet u n mi in e past...
thks for forgiving mi n let mi b ur fren again le...
i promise U dat i'll treasure e frenship bet u n mi forever de....
n do takecare of urself at work bahx...
i dunno u gt read my blog but i'll still sae it out de as mentioned above..

TO SHIOU...

U're a great buddy...thks for being there for mi when i needed u..tis will b e 7th year of our frenship le...
tym reali flies..
throughout e 7 years,we've encountered a lot of difficulties n problems together n we've passed thru it successfully n together...
haha...
THANKS YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING MY FREN n e scarifices dat u've made..
i reali appreciated it......
NTH WILL BREAK E BOND BET U N MI DE...
I SWEAR...


dat's all for now.. 1:52 PM

sianz..

didn't go running ytd...
finally e pain in my spine is almost gone le..

my right leg still hurts...

haiz...
will i b able to create e miracle dat i nid??..
if i've failed to do well for e NAPFA next wed n get at least a sliver.....

i dunno wad i'm going to do le..
but no matter wad..
i'm going to give my very best shot next wed...
no way will i b defeated by myself....i will overcome myself n PROVE myself again le....

all i need is jus somemore tym....

I WILL STAND UP AGAIN N STOP LETTIN PPLE DOWN LE....
I MUST BELIEVE IN MYSELF...
N I'LL DO IT...

going to work in abt 2 hrs tym le..

but after work.
rush home to bath den jiu straight cycle to meet jack at hougang mall b4 going other places to slack...
haha....
tomolo working morning le....
at 7am...if tonight stay outside too late..most prob wont slp den jiu go work le...
n tomolo mayb meeting shiou for bball....haha...cos i working until 5 pm tomolo...
haha...

den on mondae will b my 2nd year at hougang point ntuc le..
tym reali flies..
haha...


dat's all for now..

takecare everyone.. 11:20 AM

sianz...
e pain on my spine is still there..
haiz..
fcuk sia..
it's affecting my ability to run faster...

haiz..
four more dae left le..

can i create a miracle???...
haiz..

now in sch doin nth..
so bored..

haiz.. 2:49 PM

haiz....
i've failed again..

e timing for my 2 runs todae is 11 min 33 sec n 11 min 49 sec for e 1st n 2nd run respectively....
e spines still hurts n it's affecting my run badly...
frm ytd till now...
haiz..
at tis rate i'm going...
it's doomsdae for mi le...
haiz...

i've failed to recover from my heartbreaking events which happen tis yr n now...
i'm payin e price of it..

is it tym for mi to gib up??...

haiz..
sick of it le... 9:08 PM

sianz...
so bored now..

nth to do..
so which means i'll slack until 6pm lorx..
haiz..
so bored sia.

my back still aching..

still haven recover but nvm..i'll still go for my run tonight de..
haiz..

life's not been gd nowadays...
there're plenty of tyms where i feel lyk givin up...but in e end i didn't do so....

i'm still tinkin of U...

haiz.. 1:51 PM

sianz...

jus eat finish my dinner....

fcuking no mood jus now after my run...

todae went for e National education de lecture which ends at 4.30pm den jiu go hme le...

den after dat go my hse downstairs e running track to run my 2.4km 2 tyms,,,
n e timing dat i get for my 1st trial is 11 min 24 sec...
n e 2nd tym is 11 min n 37 sec..

n considering e timing dat i get 1st tym is 11 min 39 sec..
one reason y i failed is becos everytym i run..e lower part of my spine hurts even until now..
haiz...
when will e pain go away when i run..
haiz..

i still failed badly...
haiz..

y do i kip failing??...
despite tryin my best to motivate myself to run faster....i still failed in e end...

haiz..

is tis the end of mi??
if i failed to reach under e 10 min mark by next mon..

perhaps it's tym for mi to gib up le...

i've tried my best le..
haiz..

where r U?? 7:59 PM

sianz....
now so bored in sch nw..
jus finish drawing some of e parts for my design using UG..
so bored sia..

later at 3pm going for a lecture abt national education until 6 pm..
so long sia..
wondering wad's all abt..
if it's bored...
i'll leave immediately de...haha...

sianz..

later after reach hme going to train for my 2.4km already..
no matter wad... i must reach my target of completing e run under 10 min by next mon at e lastest...

haha..


there's no way i'm going to fail again..
though i admit i'm tired nw..
i'll not give up on my practice run later yet..haha...

i'm going to give my very best for e NAPFA next wed afternoon..
there's no way am i'm going to get a bronze or maybe fail it...

once e NAPFA is over...i'll concentrate on doing my fyp le..
i've slack long enuff n paid e price for it le....
though a lot of heartbreaking events haf happen since e start of tis yr n i've failed to recovered from it ....n paid e price of it..
i admit it's all becos of my fault n my mistakes for every one of those moments..
i created my downfall MYSELF!!..
haiz..

n i deeply regretted it..

So to those whu i've let dwn..

I"M SORRY ABT IT...

i'll learn frm my mistakes..
PLS give mi another chance bahx.. 1:59 PM

haiz...

todae leave sch at ard 1.30pm...super no mood.....
i've been leavin sch early veri often recently le..
haiz....

jus now went for e 2.4 km run den i take my timing...n e tym dat i took is 11min 39 sec...
if based on e criteria..for dat timing..i'll only get 3 points.....

n my aim is to get 5 points which is to run under 10 min...

den nw is jus one more wk away from it le..
if i failed to get e 5 points...

perhaps it's tym for mi to give up on everything le..
since e dae i started taking NAPFA way back in pri sch daes...i've been getting 5 points all e way till my last yr in sec sch...

no way am i going to fail at wad is my strength for my NAPFA....


will i b able to do it??...
haiz... 7:52 PM

sianz.....
jus get warned by one of e lecturer dat i cant bring any other student into e lab..
fcuk sia..
cos i ask ken come inside to slack wif mi b4 his lesson starts den e lecturer c it..
\sianz

everydae in sch so sianz..
sure get scolded or warn at least one tym a dae...
haiz...

sianz sia..
i'm reali gettin mad soon le...
FYP is makin mi mad..
sianz..
still gt 5 more wks to go after tis wk..
haiz...
i'm now under a lot of pressure le..
but e thing which is givin mi most pressure is e NAPFA test next wed afternoon...

n e category i'm most worried abt is e 2.4km run...
i must complete e run under 9 min 30sec in order to get e 5 critical pts n get at least an Sliver for it....
cos i noe i'll not do well for e rest of e categories de...

haiz....
tink of sat n sun need work den no tym train jiu sianz le....
haiz...

i nid a miracle...i noe i haf e fcuking stamina but i lack e speed over long distance...

if i failed to achieve it..
den perhaps it's tym to slowly give up on everything le....

haiz...
1:06 PM

sianz...i'm so bored now in sch..
been starin at e com for veri long le....
haiz...

so bored..
todae jus reach sch for a while den i jiu get scold by my teacher le..cos last fridae when he come back to sch..i was not ard den kip asking mi y lorx....so sianz....

haiz..

one more week on e 23rd of april will b my 2nd yr working at hougang point ntuc le...

tym reali flies...

i shall update abt it on e dae itself bahx..

so bored now..

haiz....

abt 9 more daes on e 25th of april will haf NAPFA test le..

things aren't looking for mi at all esp for e 2.4km run..
my target is to get e 5 pts n i must run under 9 min 30 sec to achieve it...
but....at e present situation now...passin e run will b difficult.. let alone gettin e 5 pts...

haiz..
i lack e willpower to do it...
i noe i haf stamina..but i lack e speed....
haiz..

so bored..

whu can help mi find e real mi back??..
12:28 PM

hmmmm....
jus came back from work...

quite tired todae...
haha..
anyway...
work was quite fun todae...kip laughing ard lyk mad..
haha..

but sad to sae...i kip getting shoot by pple all becos some auntie sae i loook lyk 20+ de...
sianz..
i guess i'm reali old le lah..
haiz..
den gt one promoter aunty make use of this den kip saying mi lorx..
sianz...
finally she gt chance to sae me back le..cos i always sae her de..
haha...

hmmmm....
hope my mood is gettin better as daes passed bahx..
dat's all for todae,,,,

10:57 PM

hmmmm....here to blog b4 i go work le..

ytd nite after work end at 10pm..
i rush hme den get changed n go hougang mall there meet jack n wei xiong le..

haha....veri long never wei xiong...still e same old person...
haha..

den after dat go wei xiong hse there the coffeeshop eat supper den we accompany jack walk home from e coffeeshop to his hse in sengkang near nan chiau high there..
haha..

after dat slack somewhere near his hse n chat till ard 2.30am den i accompany wei xiong walk back hme b4 i go back hme on my own cos u was cycling....haha...

den i reach hme at ard 3am den jiu go bath n get ready to slp le..
but b4 i slp...i drank one can of tiger beer hoping to able to slp longer..
n one other reason is becos i'm sad....

haiz...

den tis morning wake up at ard 8am den cant go back to slp le though i'm feeling veri tired..

haiz...


going to work soon le..
hope i dun lose my temper..

still tinking of u.....u noe whu u r...
i cant forget u at all...

haiz... 1:23 PM

haiz....

todae leave sch at ard 11am straight after my presentation abt my project which is a battery holder...
kip gettin shoot by e teacher gradin mi till i feel lyk hammering them...haiz...
from e look on their faces...
i noe i've failed badly..

failures n failures is wad i've got....

am i destined to failed???...

if so...den let mi die right away bahx...
there's no way am i going to tolerate any more failures le...
i'm sick of everything le....
so wad if i keep believing in myself n all i gt is failures n failures n more failures....

when will i ever succeed???...

i've been trying to kip myself afloat...
but...
it's meaningless..

haiz...

not looking to sch anymore le....

anyway...
after i come back home from sch todae..,,

i meet jack at ard 1.30pm n we go play pool at hougang plaza den play until ard 3.30pm jiu go hougang mall eat le..

den after went hme lorz..
so sianz..

tomolo working 7am-10pm le..

but after dat meetin jack n wei xiong le....


haha....

hope my mood can get better... 9:26 PM

hmmmm.....
todae didn't go sch again le...
dun feel lyk going to sch...

went to hougang poly clinc to see a doc den get a mc so gt excuse le..

fri will b e dae to do my project presentation...
but up till now..
i haven do anything yet...
haiz..

life's so fcuk up for mi everydae....
my mood is gettin worst as daes passed...

when will i finally sae dat I'M HAPPY???

haiz....


9:19 PM

haiz..
jus came back from sch..dun feel lyk stayin in sch for dat stupid OGL things..
it was jus slacking n slackin ard..
so bored sia..

only make my mood more worst...

so much bad things haf fall on mi in jus a matters of daes....

will i b able to recover from it...

i doubt myself..

haiz....

dunno wad to sae le..

all i am now is feeling moodless everydae...

dat's wad is left within mi..

e fighting spirit in mi is getting weak n weak everydae le...

whu can i count on??..

i noe e ans is i can count on myself..
but..

haiz...
dunno wad to sae le..

:'(
1:17 PM

haiz....
is god playin a joke on mi....

y do i kip failing..
when will i reali succeed??...

haiz...

i'm sick of things le.....

i'm tryin my best not to give up...

but... things jus aren't going my way...

hw i wish i could haf e courage to let go of everything n not care abt it anymore le...

so fcuk up...

haiz...

can someone guide mi out of my pathetic n meaningless life/??.


9:13 PM

haiz..

gettin sick of life le...

must i reali sae gd bye to tis world so dat i can b free frm all those sadness n heartbreaking moments.....>??????

haiz..

i'm sick n tired of it le..
all tis while..

i've experience sadness.....
n many more sadness..
i've tried my veri best le...

to ALL THOSE WHU I'VE LET DOWN>>>

I'M SORRY.......
i'm sorry for wad i've said....

i reali regret it...
n i'm sorry for my mistakes...



i'm no longer wad i am le..
i've fallen into a deep deep hole wif nothing except darkness ard mi..
haiz..

dat's all le...

how i wish i could b dead now..
free from all those worries n sadness..

haiz... 9:50 PM

it's been quite long since i last blog le..

haiz...

for mi...e past few weeks was lyk WTF....
things aren't gd for mi at all..
it sucks....
i'm gettin mad soon le...

so wad if i smile everytym...
deep dwn inside mi...
i'm crying...n no one noes...
haiz....
i'm tryin to force myself to stand up again....
but...
i lack e will power to do it...
i'm no longer e past de mi whu can depend on myself to stand up again le...
though i'm tryin very hard to do so...


i've changed le..
my mood is gettin bad le....
my level of tolerance is no longer lyk last tym le..

for those pple whu deserve my respect..
i'll treat them well..
even at e cost of my life,i'll not let anything bad happen to them de...
i swear to protect them.....


being gd is torturing...
forcing myself to be bad to those whu dun deserve my respect....
i dun gib a damn whu u r...
but dun wry...for those whu r my frens..
i'll respect u n treat u gd de...
dun wry.....

pple sae my temper haf not been gd for e past few wks..esp those aunties whom i work wif
i admit it...
i'm now veri stress le la...
n tired as well...

i hate FYP...
its sucks...

haiz...

whu's there for mi now??
haiz...

=( 9:24 PM